Something...I don't even have a name for...

*The key to this poem is to read the lines backwards after you've read it forwards

It never happened
So I refuse to continue living like
A victim
Because I’ve acknowledged that I am
Better than this
I know I can be
Silent
But I refuse to be
Unhappy…

And I am…in reverse

Flowing From My Heart

The words the swim deeply within me
More like the words drowned by what's within me
The words strangled by the fear within me
The words that try to escape me
Guilt so deep
Feelings so strong
Guilt so strong
Feelings so deep
But the tears don't fall anymore...

Still waiting on the euphoria
Waiting for the release
Waiting on the relief
Waiting for the erosion of the memories inscribed on her brain
Waiting on the silencing of her innermost thoughts
She fondles the cash in her hand
Green, warm, soft
She looks to her left
He's still sleep
Still resting
And still at peace
As if all is well w/ the world
She looks back at her hands
Witness them hold the price of her soul
The price of her treasure
The price of her diamonds, rubies, and gold
She's taken back to those moments
And again she sachet
Again the music coursed through her veins
Again she waited for the euphoria
And again it never came
She's taken back to those moments
And again the mattress drowns her
Again the sheets choke her
Again feeling escapes her
As again a guy pokes her
The hot shower could only wash his nameless children off her breasts
But couldn't wash away all the emotion that was on her chest
Still waiting on the euphoria
She fondles the cash in her hands
Insurance money she's collected from the death of her dreams
Hush money for her heart
To silence its piercing screams
Wait...
Just wait...
Wait for the euphoria
Silence becomes her enemy
Time becomes her abuser
Each moment spent becomes part of her nightmare
Still waiting...
Waiting on this to feel right
Waiting for the euphoria
Her fingers dance across the money
The tears cascade down her face
How did she get this way?
How did she get to this place?
How did she become this person?
Then she realizes that it all began...
With her search for euphoria

All I Have To Offer

All I have to offer you
Is standing here before you
So take me as I am
Every inch of my flesh
Drips with anxiety for meeting its master
Undressed and in all its sexual perfection
My body is all I have to offer you
If I had a heart, I'd give it to you
If I had the ability to love you, I would
But all I have to give you
Is my ability to make love to you
I can't give you my heart
My mind
Or my soul
Nor can I give you diamonds
Silver
Or gold
But I can give you my body
To take and do as you please
Because in the end
That's all I have to offer you
Soft when you touch me
Warm when you hold me
Passionate when you make love to me
A memory when you're done with me
Nothing to give for you to take with you
And my body's only as good as the moment you have it
But its all I have to offer you
And its standing here before you
Undressed and in all its sexual perfection
So take me as I am

I dreamed of dying in her arms
I didn't want it to be that way
Didn't want her to lose another one
Yet here it was that I found myself
Dying in her arms
I wanted to reach up
And wipe the tears from her face
It hurt to look in her eyes
Because of the pain burrowed deep within them
I began to feel my breathing grow shallow
And I didn't want her to let me go
Because if I died...
I wanted it to be in her arms
Words struggled to escape me
Then her calm convinved me
That silence was the only expression these last moments needed
I wanted to tell her that I loved her
Wished the best for her
And wanted her to stay strong
Then her touch convinced me
That she understood, and all was well
In this dream, I died in her arms
As her tears moved her to rock
Seemingly rocking me to sleep
To eternal sleep
I didn't want it to be that way
Yet here it was that I found myself
Dying in her arms
And in those last moments
I caught a glimpse of the pain shone deep within her eyes
That would never let me rest

Tomorrow

A new day?
Everything from the past carries over
Awakened to the same drama
Sent to bed feeling the same pain
Living crying the same tears
And facing the same reality
A new day?
Still searching for the same thing
Battling the same desires
Awakened to the same world
Sent to bed to the same hell
Chasing the same dreams
Running away from the same nightmares
A new day?
Searching for the same key
To open the same doors
And lock the same other ones
Pretending to be happy about the same things
For the same people
All the while, really hurting the same way
A new day?
Why do we continue to hold to the same hopes?
To offer up
Anxiously awaiting "Tomorrow" to bring change
Experiencing the same disappointment
From realizing that tomorrow is not really a new day

~D. Renee

'Til Death

"Angels have no thought of ever returning you. Would they be angry if I thought of joining you?"
-Gloomy Sunday by Billie Holiday

Rest in peace
O how I long for rest and peace
My living hours are filled with a search for it
Accompanied by the torturous disappointment of never finding it
Maybe...only 'til death may I attain it

'Til death did us part
Only 'til death will we be back together
My living hours are filled with longing for you
Accompanied by the torturous disappointment of no longer having you
Maybe...only 'til death may I be with you love

Cold numbness
O how I long for cold and numbness
My living hours are spent being in pain
Accompanied by the torturous disappointment of knowing that only more pain is to come
Maybe...only 'til death may my wounds be healed

'Til death did us part
Only 'til death did I know your secret
My living hours are spent trying to understand why
Accompanied by the torturous disappointment of finding out the kind of person you really were
Maybe...only 'til death will my questions be answered

Standing on the line separating life and death
Ready to go whichever way the wind blows
Unto death do I surrender
To cascade into it's loving arms that seem to offer so much comfort
So much relief
Only 'til death may I experience this release

Leaving the pain in the land of the living
To receive the peace in the home of the dead

~D. Renee

Sex is Good

The words of the wise say sex is
Good
Though when misused & mistreated, you wish sex
Could
Just disappear forever so then sex
Would
Stop torturing your soul, causing people to say that to you, sex is just
Misunderstood
Yea right...
The words of the wise say sex is
Great
When the passion between two people is real not
Fake
When the act is done out of love not
Hate
When it is consensual not...
Rape
The words of the wise say sex is
Pure
Except for when its used to deceive &
Lure
And you should know no sex won't
Cure
All of your relationship woes, nor will it help you
Endure
All of life's blows so...yea
The words of the wise say sex is for married folks
Only
To between those two remain perfect &
Holy
But for most unmarried people to say they're not having sex would be a claim that's
Phony
'Cause its often what they pick up the phone & resort to when they're feeling
Lonely
I think its called a booty call
The words of the wise say sex should be
Magical
Though these days its seen more like Flava Flav would say
Dramatical
And being abstinent is an idea now considered
Radical
Willing to be an outcast?
The words of the wise say sex is
Majestic
Though now-a-days its just
Accepted
Hormones raging, its an opportunity not often
Rejected
A desire taken advantage of so money can be
Collected
You love your man so you're out here working the track
The words of the wise say sex is
Bliss
An act that now takes place without a single tender
Kiss
Niggas easily dispose of females that won't be
Missed
Shorty's been bamboozled so now she's
Pissed
A gift that can never be given back
The words of the wise say sex is good
Though it holds little moral value in my hood
Just lay back & open your legs
There won't be no problems as longs as dude don't have to beg
And if he does, it might be your life
But he still gon' get that pussy by the end of the night
So...
The words of the broken say: Sex...
Is it really good?

What joy is there in the midst of tears
What peace is there in the midst of fear
All that like a river flows within me
Searching for the broader
More open ocean to offer its release
A smile
Precious and rare
Hold to it as it fades
To my silence only do I confess
Words that don't dare cross the barrier of my lips
See me for what I am
Every step made
Followed by a shadow of the past
The eminent threat of death looming
Accompanied by the eminent threat of life
Eyes
Glassy...as if I've been stained
And perhaps I have
Dodging and inescapable truth
Finally caught by the grip of the reality of the situation
To the life of a victim
Do I surrender
Unto death
Do I make myself available
For there is no joy in the midst of tears
And no comfort in the midst of tears
So I'm ready to go when he takes
Perhaps there's nothing left to take
Just a shell
Robbed of a soul
Not even innocence remaining
Remnant statue
And maybe then will I be beautiful
Bold, strong, and polished
Made of the most precious marble
And maybe then will I be treasure
Maybe then will I be treasured
Held in my hands is the uncontainable
The abstract
The precious
The rare
The innocence
The ever fading smile
The silence holding my confessions
Sun blazing in my womb
Killed by the moon
Even the stars weep
Then the sky fades to black
But only my body sleeps
Soul reaching out for what is permanently lost
Something that can never be retrieved
Held
Cherished
Nor loved beyond my imagination
And only does the silence know
All that like a river flows within me

Double A

Sitting here
Just me and my friend
Gor warm feeling inside
From my bottle of sin
There for me when I call
To offer its relief and let me dive in
Drowning me in tis love
And I can't swim to the rim
I try to escape
But it just pulls me back in
Different colors
Shapes
And flavors
Its taste
Its presence
Its caress I savor
Me...and my bottle of sin
No one can do me better
For I am never truly happy
Until we are together
There by my side
To help me face the stormy weather
It gives me happiness
It gives me pleasure
It sings me a song
It gives me peace
It rocks me in its arms
And puts me to sleep
And when I wake up
Im alone again
Just me, a headache
And an empty bottle of sin
I scream why'd you go?!
You were supposed to be my friend!
Then it says I'll be back for you
And shoots me a sly grin
But I need you now I say
As I reach out
But its gone; just a memory
As I sit on my couch
Alone with no money
I can't even by a friend
So I contemplate what to do
And decide its time for life to end
My obituary will read
Killed by a bottle of sin
That wore a mask, and disguised itself
As my best friend

When the tears start to flow
When the pain is torturous
And the memories of the past are relentless
When everywhere around you there is sadness
And not even your best friend can seem to help you through
When you've been running so long
That your strength is gone
And the road of trials seems to go on and on
When you're losing your mind
There's so much to do but so little time
And you feel like you're in a field of emotional mines
Just ready to blow
When the heat of the sun of strife is glaring on you with no umbrella-ella-ay...
Able is not in your vocabulary
Success is a distant memory
And happiness left at the change of what was happening
You're trying to hold on
But you're losing your grip
Trying to keep the pieces together
But you're out of glue
Trying to move on
But there's no where to go
Trying to let go
But the pain sticks like velcro
You pray and cry and wonder if God's listening to you
But maybe the problem is that you're not listening to him
Steady listening to the people that don't know what's best
When all God says is obey me and I'll do the rest
So determined to do things yourself
And look...
Now the tears have started to flow
Peace
Be still
Listen for his voice
Deliverance of unrelenting pain
You make the choice
When the storms come
And the boat rocks sailing life's waves
The people you thought were your friends will throw you overboard to save themselves
Drowning in sin
Will you humble yourself and say Lord I need your help?!
So far from the peaceful shore
And the tears have started to flow
So quick to turn to God
Because we know he can deliver us
We hear his voice loud and clear then
But when everything's alright
And life's going smoothly
How quickly do we forget
How quickly do we forget that it was he that brought us through
That it was he that saved us when we couldn't save ourselves
That it was he that dried our eyes
When the tears started to flow

2 Sides of the Girl

If you're silent
Will she speak for you
Will she cry for you
If you're silent
Will she scream for you
If you runaway
Will she fight the battle for you
Will she go through the storm for you
If you hide
Will she face the pain for you
Will she cry for you
When you're sleep
Will she endure the nightmares for you
Will she absorb the deja'vus for you
If you deny it
Will she erase the past for you
If you try to put it behind you
Will she confront it when the memories of it rear their ugly head
Will she cry for you
When you lose faith
Will she pray for you
Will she live right for you
When you lose hope
Will she run the race for you
When you're going through hell
Will she take the heat for you
Will she absorb the flames for you
If you're silent...
She can't speak for you
She can't scream for you
She can't cry for you

Untitled

The wind blows the leaves on the trees
And they seem to whisper your name
They laugh at my misfortune
Because I was so close to you
So close I could feel your heat
My lust for you rose within me
So high that I thought I was going to burst
But I couldn't have you...
Not then
Thoughts of you have tortured my dreams
And I long for you now more than I ever have
To be close to you
And hold you in my arms
To have you deep within me
For the first time...
And again...
And again...
And again after that
To call your name
And you be near
Or better yet...
That you never leave my side
And I never wonder where you are
So when I want you
I can have you...all the time
The wind blows the leaves on the trees
And they seem to whisper your name
The repetition of your name tortures me
Because I can never seem to have you
But I would give the world for you
If you just stopped running from me
If you would make yourself available to me
If you offered yourself to me
I would accept
The wind blows the leaves on the trees
And they seem to whisper your name
They say: "Peace. Peace."
And all I can think about is how much I want you

The Rich.The Poor.The Scandalous- Part 1

The Mistress
YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH!
The one statement that resonated throughout her life
Everything around her screamed it
It seemed like it was all she ever heard
Baby it was good but...
I would've liked it if...
I don't see why they picked you anyway when...
That other girl is so much better
Always only second best
To...
The other girl
That other girl
Some other girl
Adult life always drowned in
Girl when you gon' get a husband
And
Girl you still waitin' on that man to leave his wife
So she grits her teeth
Puts on a smile
And tries to convince her friends...
And herself
That this is the life
After all
No strings attached
No responsibilities
And the kids aren't hers
At least...
Those kids aren't hers
Yea...this is the life
When baby I love you
Becomes bitch get an abortion
She just can't do it like you do
Becomes you just can't love me like she does
We're gonna start our own family
Becomes but she's the mother of my kids
And I just can't live without you
Becomes I just can't love you
And with that she's off
Off to the next one
Accepting of this only second best mentality
She desensitizes herself to the pain she really feels
You all know her
You see her everyday
Whether young
Or old
Whether rich
Or poor...
Still scandalous

Forgive me, oh heart
I have tried my hardest to protect you
To protect you from pain
And from hurt
From despair
And from betrayal
From being bent
To broken
To down-right shattered
Forgive me for my broken promises
For I promised to protect you
And I vowed not to let anyone else etch their name on you
And I promised to never again let anyone come in to see you
Yet here again I find myself wallowing in tears
Wallowing in tears filled with the pain felt from the uncertainty of love
The waivering of like
And the betrayal of lust
Forgive me, oh heart
I have tried my hardest to protect you
To keep you from the deceiving faces of comfort and hope the pain in reality can often wear
To keep you from sharing you deepest and darkest hours with the demons that hide behind comfort and hope
To shield you from the pain that caring can bring
To close the vault to you emotions
Allowing them to lie dorment in the deep recesses of your soul
To keep you in a state of blankness that doesn't allow anyone in or anything out
Yet here again I find myself wallowing in tears
Tears filled with the pain felt from the uncertainty of love
The waivering of like
And the betrayal of lust
Forgive me, oh heart
For I have tried my hardest to protect you
But I guess my best just wasn't good enough
Wasn't good enough to shield you
Shelter you
And save you
The blood of your death is on my hands
If only I had done a better job of caring for you
If only I had been careful about who I lent you out to
I wouldn't find myself here
Wallowing in tears
Tears filled with the pain felt from the uncertainty of lobe
The waivering of like
And the betrayal of lust
Forgive me, oh heart
For I have tried my hardest to protect you
Yet I have failed
Time and time again I have failed
If only I had had the opprotunity to let you know how much you meant to me
As I close the casket on you lifeless remnants
I ask for you forgiveness
For though I tried my hardest to protect you
I still ended up letting you die

This is how I feel

I feel as though I am blessed to have spent the time I have spent with you. I feel as though I am glad to have shared the moments that I have shared with you. Im glad that we gave even the notion of "us" a chance. Im glad to have you in my life, whether for a moment, a season, or a prolonged period of time. Stealing from you again lol, luv u lik a fat kid luv cake.

A Word For The Eyes That Grace

Peace. It is not handled. It is not held. It is absorbed. It is inhaled and left to resonate with the rest of ones's soul. Peace. It is everything one hopes for, and more than what they ever could imagine. It is a moment, an object, a person, a color, an idea to imense for any one human to wrap his or her mind around. Peace. How does one even begin to even remotely describe peace. Are there words any the dictionary of any language that accurately capture peace in the essence of its purest form. At best, the most educated of scholars can only mediocrely box in a general idea of such a notion; however, for something to be so great, it is not shy about who it graces with its presence. All who seek it can find it if they seek it genuinely and whole heartedly. Peace.

Six Flags Fashion

Ok...issue #1 is the shorts that are too short to even qualify as clothing. Like, how can that possibly be comfortable? Even worse, is when the shorts are already too short, but these females decide to roll them up anyway! Also, if you are big...put your fat away. It's unattractive and nobody wants to see that; its disgusting! All in all, watch how you dress, because coming out in public means that people can see you, and if we must see you then you should at least look half way decent. Issue #2 is how couples need to conduct themselves when they come to six flags. Cuddleing in line is acceptable; however,border line screwing while waiting in line is completely and utterly unacceptable; not to mention tacky and classless!

God of our silent tears
Why must my tears be silent?
God of our weary years
Why can't my cry be heard?
Surely been 'buked
And surely been scorned
Why hasn't anyone rescued me from my suffering?
Maybe because they don't know I'm suffering
But, why don't they know I'm suffering?
Because they can't hear my cry
But, why can't my cry be heard?
Because my tears have been silenced
Shut up
Hushed
Made invisible before they ever fell from my cheek
So its as if I never cried
As if I was never hurt
As if I never felt pain
As if my heart was never broken
As if my smile never left
As if...
God of our silent tears
Why must my tears be silent?
And God of our weary years
Why can't my cry be heard?
Surely been hurt
So why can't anyone see my pain?
No one can see my pain
And no one can hear my cry
Its as if I'm invisible
Or better yet...
As if I don't even exist
So...
God of our silent tears
Why must my tears even fall?

(c)2008

BET Awards 08

Ok, so lets talk about the BET Awards. First of all, I'm highly upset that Usher lip sung his entire performance! I'm like what is this?!?! I felt totally robbed. However, the dancing on the moving walkways was hot. So upon seeing Chirs Brown and the umbrella chick sitting together at yet another awards show, I'm convinced that they're an item. Neyo's outfit was banging! I was really feeling the brown ensemble. It was nice. DL Hughley was a little funny at the beginning but all in all he was a horrible host. So maybe I've been living under a rock, but when did Terrence Howard start pulling this whole guitar stunt? It was hot though. Chris Brown won best male R&B, and I'm not surprised. Not sure he deserved it but whatever! Jeezy's performance would've been hotter than it was if it wasn't for all that dang on censoring!!! It was so annoying. Maybe this is just strictly personal, but I'm sick of Chris Paul losing to Kobe! It sickens me. Keisha Cole know she really could've invested in buying a sister a better looking, and better fitting dress because the boobs about to pop out thing has not, is not, and never will be hot! Her mom looked ok though. Her performance however, sucked. It was worse than her sister in that awful dress, and Lil' Kim was undressed...as usual. Nia Long's dress was really cute, minus the pockets though...I just don't get that! And I'm convinced that Morris Chestnut's stylist needed to be pimp slapped for having him out there looking like that! Ew! Missy won best female hip-hop, yeah whatever. Neyo's performance was hot, and the Jabawockeez (spl. chck.) killed it! The Dream won best new artist and I really think it should've either been Estelle or Chrissette Michelle. Alicia Keys was straight even though I don't like "Teenage Love Affair". But it was definately hot how she had the girl groups come out there. En Vogue killed it. SWV was hot too, but Lord knows they've put on some pounds over the years! And does T-Boz smoke because she sounded like she was dying of lung cancer! Niecy Nash was hilarious! After hearing her I immediately went out and got me a white kid...ok no not really. Anyway, Kanye won best male hip hop, and once again I'm not surprised. I thought it was a nice gesture of him to bring Weezy up on stage with him when he accepted his award. T-Pain looked a hot mess as usual, and to make matters worse...I HAD TO SEE HIM TWICE!!! Big Boi and Ludacris were flame! UGK's "International Players' Anthem" won best video and I'm so glad! That video rocked. Marvin Sapp put on for all the save, sanctified, and filled with the holy ghost people, and then won best gospel. Chris Brown's performance was hot! I'm immensely glad that he didn't lip sing, and the words in the water was hot. I wouldn't be surprised if Rhianna and Ciara have beef after that performance though because it was looking a little steamy up there! Ciara was a little close and from the look on Rhianna's face, she was not too happy about it. Al Green won the lifetime achievement award. Jill Scott...is a beast! Anthony Hamilton...tore it up, and kind of favors Al Green in his younger days. Maxwell...o my God! It was so good to see him again, and he cut his hair! I was like wow! I was unaware that Al Green was now Rev. Al Green, but I do know that he still got it! I'm glad he kept his acceptance speech quick and to the point. Observing the crowd during his performance...does Neyo have a girlfriend? And does Queen Latifah have a BOYfriend? Sheryl Underwood looked a hot mess. She is extra crispy! I really would love to know who this lady in the audience was that Al Green put on blast during in his performance! Then, I was really going to need Busta Rhymes to get off his imaginary horn! UGK know they was clowing! Moving on, I am also convinced that Terrence and Rocsi are definately an item. But what I would really love to know is why she don't ever shout out Power 92 when she on 106 & Park? I mean has she forgotten that those are the people that gave her her start? Lets not be ungrateful! Weezy won viewer's choice and I'm mad he had to bring everybody and they dang on mama up there with him when he accepted his award, but at the same rate, I'm not surprised; he always does that. Rhianna's performance was hot, and I love that song, but I also noticed how the camera kept cutting to Chris Brown! The humanitarian award went to Quincy Jones. Nelly's performance...yea his career is just about over so I suggest he marry Ashanti while he still has enough cash to buy her a nice ring. O...and Fergie...looked awful. CLEARLY her face has not recovered from that meth addiction. Best female r&b went to Alicia Keys and I felt she deserved it. Last, but surely not least, my baby rocked! Minus the T-Pain aspect, Lil' Wayne blazed fire on that stage! It was an excellent way to end a mediocre show.

*Bitch I'm Back On My Grizzy*

OMG!!! I can't believe how long its been since I've last blogged. Well...what to say? First, I want to thank all of my friends that loved and supported me throughout everything. Where would I be without you guys? You definately keep me sane. I also want to take the time to congratulate all graduates from the class of 08. Im very proud of you guys. Though I'm sad to see you go, and I don't know how I'm going to make it through the rest of my years at the hell hole I attend known as high school, im glad that you are furthering your education; taking those first steps to becoming bigger and better people. So...yea...school is out. It's officially summer. Im doing something like enjoying myself...well as far as sitting at the house doing close to absolutely nothing can stand to be enjoyable. Do I miss anybody? I'm not sure. Not really lol. I guess the memories of them are still to fresh for me to miss them yet...oh well...it happens. As far as putting people on blast...I want to put on blast the one female that throughout this school year has proven herself to be an extremely phony person. No names necessary because that creates drama, but i find it amazing how she wonders how and why it is that she seems to be losing all of her friends! I mean lets try this on for size...YOU'RE PHONY, UNTRUSTWORTHY, AND UGLY!!! (and face it...nobody wants ugly friends...well at least not that ugly) Anyway, where as the conversation we shared on the last day of school was nice and cordial, the anger is still there. Do not be fooled. Everything is NOT fine and dandy. When the school year starts again nothing will have changed. Well what about second chances? I gave you a second chance in case you forgot. My patience runs thin, and for you, it is completely depleted. On a more exciting note (I guess), I have all honors classes next year! YAY!!! GO ME!!! Unfortunately, double math is taking up my elective so I can't be in choir...but it'll all be worth it when im in calculus senior year. I managed to actually make it through this school year lol. 4 referrals and plenty of enemies(students and teachers alike lol), but I made it none the less. Next year is just another challange. To remain sane? Yes. To remain cordial? Yes. To remain legal? Yes. I've realized that I am always only on the edge of greatness...next year...maybe I will actually cross over into greatness...maybe...just maybe...

*untitled for rit now*

My teacher said,
Go home and write
a page tonight.
About how our studies have affected you---
Then, it will be true.

The cries are in the wind
The blood is in the soil
And I wonder if what I feel is really pain
I wonder if the tears I cry are expressions of genuine sadness
If my heart and mind really knows what it’s like to be hurt
Visions of the masses trying to climb the slippery walls of despair
Reaching for that closing window of opportunity
Gasping for air
All the while drowning
In despair
In betrayal
In pain
In the blood of their loved ones

Collapsed in their last positions
With a twinkle still in their eye from that tear that never fell
A glassy gaze still searching for an explanation
As their children
Now orphans
Stand behind the bars of the imprisonment of hope
Waiting for a return that will never come
Not knowing that they will be next
Make me wonder if I deserve the life I live?
Am I worthy of the air I breathe?
Do I have the right to say I’ve been done wrong?
Who am I to say that I feel pain?
Because I curse the wind
Saying it makes me cold
When the wind carries their cries
And I never stop to listen
As the needless tears I cry reach the ground
They mix with the blood
That waters their spirits that live through the flowers
The flowers that I curse because they make me sneeze


As I submerse myself in my sleep
I wonder if I deserve to live the life I live
As I see visions of people drowning
In despair
In betrayal
In pain
In the blood of their loved ones

Good Night. Sweet Dreams

*OMG*

So I'm in English studying the Holocaust. Here are some poems that touched my heart!

UNANSWERED....?
by DUNIO BERNHAUT

Will I always remember?
Can I ever forget
Or is the sentence perpetual and conclusively set?

Will the memories dwindle?
Can the torment subside
Or is the cycle relentless as the flow of the tide?

Will sadness release me?
Can I ever know joy
Or is fate still unfolding some merciless ploy?

Will somebody know me?
Can I be seen through the haze
Or is the image evasive, an intricate maze?

Will my life serve a purpose?
Was it carefully planned
Or is destiny adding one more granule of sand?

Like shadowy visions concealing in fear
Most answers elusive, opaque and unclear
But these so translucent through a shroud of regret:
Yes, I will always remember; No, I can never forget....




I C A N N O T F O R G E T
THE ACTION IN THE GHETTO OF ROHATYN, MARCH 1942.
by Alexander Kimel- Holocaust Survivor.
Do I want to remember?
The peaceful ghetto, before the raid:
Children shaking like leaves in the wind.
Mothers searching for a piece of bread.
Shadows, on swollen legs, moving with fear.
No, I don't want to remember, but how can I forget?

Do I want to remember, the creation of hell?
The shouts of the Raiders, enjoying the hunt.
Cries of the wounded, begging for life.
Faces of mothers carved with pain.
Hiding Children, dripping with fear.
No, I don't want to remember, but how can I forget?

Do I want to remember, my fearful return?
Families vanished in the midst of the day.
The mass grave steaming with vapor of blood.
Mothers searching for children in vain.
The pain of the ghetto, cuts like a knife.
No, I don't want to remember, but how can I forget?

Do I want to remember, the wailing of the night?
The doors kicked ajar, ripped feathers floating the air.
The night scented with snow-melting blood.
While the compassionate moon, is showing the way.
For the faceless shadows, searching for kin.
No, I don't want to remember, but I cannot forget.

Do I want to remember this world upside down?
Where the departed are blessed with an instant death.
While the living condemned to a short wretched life,
And a long tortuous journey into unnamed place,
Converting Living Souls, into ashes and gas.
No. I Have to Remember and Never Let You Forget.



HomelandLois E. Olena

It was Christmas eve
and there was no room in the inn,
the Oswiecim inn,
so the Arrow Cross
took the children,
barefooted
and in their nighties,
out to the Danube
and filled their little bellies
not with bread
but bullets
flipping them
like tiddlywinks
into the congealing, icy river below.

It was the Red Danube
that night,
choking on the blood
of orphan Jews
whose little Blue faces
floated downstream
touring even all of Europe
until they washed up
on the shores of Eretz Yisrael
and came back to life,
their little blue and white
bodies
raised high,
flapping in the wind.

*IM BACK*

Ok so I've given up on the novel thing...for right now. I'll porobably back at it later, but its probably going to be fiction as oppossed to more autobiographical. I'll just stick to my poetry for right now. Look for more to come.

*Apologies*

I apologize! I kno i haven't been blogging recently. I've been extremely busy...unfortunately, and just haven't had time to deal with this whole blogging thing. To make things even more compicated, I will probably now be taking an even longer hiatus because I'm working on a novel. Forgive me but it is what it is! I will try to blog some every now and again, but if I can't...so be it. LUV U ALL!!!
*~Pray for me~*

A Story of Love- Part 2

Unkissable
Face to face
The only thing seperating us
Is the thickness of our passion
You
So eager
To tast
To experience
To feel
But sin lies within these lips
Making them unkissable

(c) 2008

A Story of Love- Part 1

Unloveable
You say you love me
But you don't
You're in love with the idea of me
The notion of me
You can't really love me
Because the real me is unloveable
You're in love with this shell
This exterior being
That covers what lies within
A reality this is unloveable
Save your love
Don't throw it away
On something you can't love
It may be hard for you to let me go
But I'm setting you free
Because you can't love me
You can't REALLY love me
Because the real me...
Is unloveable

A Love Story- Part 10

The End
They say
All good things must come to an end
And all things that weren't meant to be
Always end more tragically
Walking away
From the broken pieces of our relationship
Leaving behind
Our house of love
As it burns to the ground
Left to become ashes
That will blow away in the wind
A tear runs down my cheek
But I dare not look back
I dare not stop
I keep going
Keep going back for the old me
I cry
Because it hurts
Knowing that this is the end
But they've always told me
That all good things must come to an end
And all things that weren't meant to be
Always end more tragically
Knowing that
I keep on pressing my way
Accepting that this is the end
The end of this story
But when one story ends
You write another one

(c) 2008

A Love Story- Part 9

Can't Resist
Rough times
I left you
Didn't want to have anything to do with you
But when you needed me the most
I was there for you
You hurt me
You chopped up my heart and threw it at me
But through it all I loved you
There when you needed me
To carress your mind
Body
And soul
Can't deny love
Can't resist my feelings for you
Not sure I'm over what you've done
The pain is still there
As strong and forceful as the day it happened
But love conquers all
And I can't resist loving you
Can't resist your touch
Your feel
Your lips
Your body
The soul of the real you that lies within
The person I actually love
When you need me I'll be there
I can't resist
Because my love won't let me
I can't resist
Because I don't want to

(c) 2008

A Love Story- Part 8

Fighting for Love
A blow to the chest
A blow to the stomach
You hurt my body
But what you did to my soul was worse
Hitting the body you just kissed
Bruising the skin you just held so close
Hurting the person you just made love to
I've never done anything to you
But love you
So if I was wrong for that please let me know
How could you let something tear down what we've built
Explain why you felt it necessary to hit me
To become the very thing you hate
What feeling did seeing me quiver in fear give you
What satisfaction did you get from seeing my broken skin
What form of love makes this acceptable
How could you put the person you claim to love through so much pain
Did you feel powerful?
Felt like more of a man?
Standing over me with your foot on my throat
Squeezing the life out of me
Watching the tears run down my cheeks
Were you fighting my love?
Or fighting to keep it?
Or did you want to leave me as broken as you?
I get the feeling we're fighting for two different reasons
I'm fighting for love
Fighting to hold on to what we have
You're fighting from pain
Fighting to let go of a part of you you wish you didn't

(c) 2008

A Look Into What My Sign Says About Me

L • I • B • R • A • : The Bitch
Can be mean sometimes, and will Probably knock your ass out, if crossed the wrong way!! EXTREMELY sexy. Intelligent. Energetic. Predict future. Most erotic. (Freak in bed.) (GREAT kisser.) Always get what they want. Sexy. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. The sexiest ever....Romantic. Caring. 4 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

This is how I feel

I dont care. I just really don't. I'm feeling very nonchalant. Things I should probably care about...I don't. Kind of cold, heartless, and emotionless. I will not hesitate on accout of how it might make others feel. Your feelings are no longer important. Who matters in my world? Me. That's who I care about. If your're in some way, shape, or form offended by what I do and/or say...o well. I don't care.

This is how I feel

I am not to be taken advantage of
Not to be played
Thought things would be the same
Then I threw you a curveball
Yea feel free to pick your face up off the floor
It happens to the best of us
Hopefully next time you'll come correct

*Dream*

Let night fall
Let the sandman sprinkle his dust on me just one more time
So I can be close to you
Allow me to emerse myself
In the peace and tranquility
Remove myself
From the negativity and betrayal
I will hold to you
For dear life
When the sun tries to tear us apart
Let night stay forever
So I can be close to you
May my eyes never open
So this time will never end
Allow night to always be with me
And protect me from the grasp of reality

(c) 2008

Happiness

A smile
A ray of sunshine
A laugh
A giggle
A rainbow
A full moon
A star lit night sky
A dozen roses
A beautiful spring day
In a field of flowers
A great song
An array of pinks, yellows, and sky blues
A hundred balloons
A day with you
A kiss so sweet
A life with no regrets
A siletn meditation in the meadows
A nap listening to the calming sound of a trickling spring
This is happiness

(c) 2008

A Love Story- Part 7

The Breath of Life
Together
Me and you
In the most sensual way
We become one
Will we mix the best of each other
Creating a creature so wonderful
Will we create something so prescious
Something that will so perfectly
Define and
Solidify our souls
Will two become three
A third
A string
That forever attatches my heart
To yours
Created in the joy of love
Given the breath of life from God

(c) 2008

A Love Story- Part 6

At a Stand Still
Waiting to exhale
Where do we go from here?
Standing here
Hand in hand
Facing the world
It seems like time isn't moving
A moment ago
Things were moving so fast
Exciting
And exhilarating
So where do we go from here?
Everything now seems so desolate
Is the rain of love no longer showering on our growing relationship?
Will our love progress past these sheets?
It seems as though its all at a stand still
As we're standing here
Hand in hand
Facing the world
Where do we go from here?

(c) 2008

Window

On the outside looking in
The world seems so different
If you were there
Inside
You couldn't even begin to understand the way I feel
Judged without a trial
Your view of me
Built on false pretenses of how it seems
How you think I feel
What effects you believe things have on me
What you think is going through my head
All as you're on the outside
Looking in
Watching me get hurt
But you never bothered to come save me
You don't have the slightest clue!
You don't feel the burning pain
Felt sailing through life on hell's waves
Drowning in the fiery pit
Scorched my soul
I was reaching out to you
YOU SAW ME!!!
YOU HEARD ME SCREAM!!!
You caught a whif of the smell of my burning flesh
But you did nothing
AND YOU STAND HERE AND TELL ME YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL!!!
No you don't
You were safe on the outside
Looking in
Hands and face pressed against the glass
You looked me in the eyes
And saw my pain
You watched me die
And walked away

(c) 2008

Questions

Who am I?
And what is my purpose?
Why do I breathe
When life doesn't seem worth living?
Why does my spirit die
When I want to hold on?
Why does my heart ache
When I think of you?
Why does my spirit rise
When you hold me close?
Who am I?
And what is my purpose?
Will I spend my life trying to find out?
Will you laugh when I fall?
Will you find pleasure in my tears?
How long is forever?
And what does eternity hold?
How long will I dream?
How long will reality betray me?
Who am I?
And what is my purpose?
Will I ever know?

(c) 2008

Unborn Child

Flesh of my flesh
Blood of my blood
Love of my spirit
Gift from above
To hold close
And shower with tender kisses
The purest form of love
Yet to grace us with its presence

(c) 2008

*Feeling lik...*

I want to live the life in my dreams because reality sucks!!!!! In reality, people hurt you and don't care about how you feel. In my dreams, when I love someone, they love me back.

A Love Story- Part 5

Back in Love
I love you more now
Then i ever did before
There aren't enough hours in the day
Enough opprotunities for me to be with you
But when we're together
It feels like heaven
Because you're my angel
Though sometimes we fall off that cloud of bliss
And it hurts when we hit the bottom
The love we share will put us back on top
Together we can conquer the world
Though the love we have was misplaced
It was never lost
And now we can pick it up and dust it off
It may have scratches
But its not broken
Back in love
And it feels so good
Baby I love you
And I always will
A real woman will stand by her man
Even when he runs away from home
In search of something new
When he realizes that right here is where its at
She'll be there waiting
Ready to pick up where they left off
I'm going to stand by you
Through thick and thin
No matter what
Baby I got you
Back in love
Nothing could bring me out

(c) 2008

A Love Story- Part 4

Next Lifetime
If I had the chance
Would I do it all again
Would I still love you the way I do
Would you still hurt me the way you did
Or would there never be a me and you
Would I never fall for your lies and deceit
Would I have that feeling in my soul
The feeling that's felt when your lips meet mine
In my next lifetime
Will we make it right
Would we still make love in the heat of the night
As we did
Will I still love you the way I do
Or will I never know you
The way I did
Will you be just another memory
That tortures my mind
Constantly occupied with the thought
That I used to love someone in my previous life
That now I can't find
If I had the chance
Would I do it all again
Would I still love you the way I do
This love will never die
Even if in my next lifetime I'm a catepillar
You would be the cacoon of love
That wraps me and holds me tight
Until we emerge as one
Beautiful
Butterfly
Soaring together on the wings of love

(c) 2008

Forces of Nature

The sky is my canvas
I draw my dreams in the clouds
I share my feelings with all as they look up
I have infinite possibilities
In the sea of pearl blue
My emotioins pour down on the world when it rains
I demand to be listened to when it thunders
I demand to be seen when lightning strikes
I am the earth
And the sky is my canvas
I draw my dreams in the clouds
I share my feelings with all as they look up
I have infinite possibilities
In the sea of pearl blue
My emotions pour down on the world when it rains
Let every drop caress your mind, body, and soul
Allow yourself to be enveloped by my presence
I become one with all
As the rain flows through the roots of society
Budding new life on the tree of hope
Because I am the earth
And the sky is my canvas
I draw my dreams in the clouds
I share my feelings with all as they look up
I have infinite possibilities
In the sea of pearl blue
My emotions pour down on the world when it rains

(c) 2008

*um wat*

I'm not sure what to make of the situation I'm in but I'm at school right now and can't get into great details about it. All I have to say is that I'm done caring because I've officially realized that it is a waste of my time. In addition, I'm going to need people to stop holding on to things I've done. Get over it because apparently I already have so you're the only losing any sleep.

White people are a trip!

Ok. So how are white people going to say that we're lazy. If you really think about it, they're the ones that are lazy. They brought us here from Africa to do the work that THEY were to LAZY to do themselves! Then later generations of white people, like those during the civil rights movement, would scream at us, "Go back to Africa!" I'm like how much sense do they make?!?! They act like we just up and decided to come here. If I remember correctly, THEY WERE THE ONES THAT BROUGHT US OVER HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! We never wanted to come over here! We were just fine where we were at. They act like we looked up one day and was like "O I think I'll go to America." We aint even know America even frickin existed! Man, white people need to get they story straight because they one they're telling don't make no type of sense.

A Hard Journey

All I can see is the ground
The weight of the world on my shoulders
Keeping me bent over
I can't see where I'm going
Longing for a day
To hold my head high
To look to the sky
And know that you are there
My God
A heavy load sharer
You'll never give me more than I can bear
Looking at the ground
I can't see where I'm going
But I know you're above me
Ordering my steps
I'll end up where I'm supposed to be
And the weight of the world will be lifted off my shoulders
I'll look to the sky
And see that you are there
Then you'll smile and say
I was with you all along

(c) 2008

Unforgettable

My tears tell the story
Are you listening?
Do you hear what is said when I cry?
My tears tell the story
They are the blood from my soul
That flows through my veins of emotion
Each tear shows a picture
That depicts a scene
Not easily forgotten
Are you watching?
Do you see what happened as I cry?
Each tear holds the pain
Do you feel what I felt as I cry?
Each tear is a piece of the story
Trying to escape
Trying to run away
Trying to run off into a place of non-existence
So I could live life
Like what happened never existed
Each tear is a reminder
I'm reminded every time I cry
And I cry everyday
So how can I forget?
How can I let go?
Then I realize I can't
And I cry some more

(c)2008

A Cry For Salvation

Kneeling here
In your presence
Exposed
Led here by your conviction
The tears run down
I've hit rock bottom
No where to turn
No one to turn to
Saying I can no longer run and hide
Realizing that I never really could
This is my cry for salvation
Cleanse me and make me whole
I want nothing more
But to be your servant
Create in me a clean heart
And renew a right spirit within me
Broken down before you
Stripped of the false identity I created
The tears run down
As I press my way
Trying to touch the hem of your garment
Because I need your healing
Are you listening?
Do you hear my cry for salvation?
Have you given up?
Have you left me alone?
What happened to I will never leave you nor forsake you?!?!
God I'm crying!
Crying out for salvation
Nothing left to lose
I can no longer run and hide
Realizing that I never really could
I'm here
Out
In the open
Crying for salvation
Lord
Here my cry

(c)2008

When it Blows

It carries the cries
The soulful cries of its inhabitants
It carries the cries near and far
It carries the cries but no one seems to hear
To the hear the cries of its oppressed
The cries of its oppressed inhabitants
It carries the tears that no one sees
The tears that no one hears hit the ground
It carries the thunderous screams
The thunderous screams that still don't cause anyone to wake
That still don't cause anyone to shake
Its winds carry the lives
The lives that we ignored
The lives of its formerly oppressed
Its formerly oppressed inhabitants
Yet you curse the wind
The wind that carries the cries that you don't listen to

(c) 2008

To Be Continued

The sour notes of life continuing to serenade me
The web of mess continuing to entangle me
The grip of pain continuing to strangle me
Life of hurt continuing to claim me
Words of anger continuing to stain me
These trials make me
Break me
And all together shake me
Criticized by those who hate me
Mentally raped by those who date me
Told who to be
Where I be
When I be
How I be
By those who aint me
Told to see
That all that I can be
Is what I see on TV
Images of niggas throwing up GD
We got time for lies
We got lies for life
There's no more hope so I'm suffocating
Wishing someone would come around and bring hope to relieve me of this strife
Stranded on this island with tears for water
Kneeling and praying to God the Father
Lord please!
Why me?!?
If I could have just one chance to set my people mentally free!
Sour notes are singing to me
Life of hurt is clinging to me
Never ending
To be continued

(c)2008

A Love Story- Part 3

Baby I'm free!
I'm finally free!
Heard you and your girl didn't work out
Now your trying to get back in
BABY BYE!
Just like the song says:
Played the fool before
But your lies aint workin now
Look who's hurting now
Said I had to shut you down
I had to shut you down
Now you claim you love me
But what's love got to do with it
NOT A DAMN THING!
I don't have time to love you
Because I'm finally to busy loving me
But we can be no string attached
Fulfill each others physical desires
Because
Let's face it
That's what it's all about
No strings attached only baby!
That's how I get down
Done loving you
But for one last time
We can make it like it was
No strings attached

(c) 2008

Footprints in the Sand

As the sun sets
The waters move
The crisp blue water
With a drop of silver light
From the night light of our lives
Footprints in the sand
Guide me to the moon
Leads me to the night light of our lives
Footprints in the sand
Let me greet the sun
The deep, round, impressions in the sand are like bowls
They're like molds
Molds that guide my feet
To the light of the moon
My visit with it must end soon
I cry
But I know I'll try
To think of it all day
And good night to each other we say
I follow the footprints back to earth
Feeling better; feeling re-birthed
I follow the footprints in the sand
And in the sand I stand
And say good night
Until tomorrow
When I'll follow the footprints in the sand
Back to your light

(c) 2008

My People are My Poem

Kind of like the oppression my poem faces
Some people say it's the same for every poem
The pain my poem has endured is so deep
The hill my poem is going down is so steep
The lies my poem is being told are so great
The lies have pushed my poem to a dividing state
My poem throws its life away like a drunk
And the writing on the walls my poem ignores
The signs my poem sees
But my poem takes no heed
Not notes on the floor
But published books of lies
My poem ignores
Not writing on the wall
But writing behind the law
My poem ignores
Not a song
But the lyrical rhythm of the lies
My poem ignores
And the cycle continues for ever
And ever
And ever
And my poem will produce other poems
That will be told the same lies
And be ignorant of the same truths
And the cycle continues forever

(c) 2008

My Pledge of Allegiance

I don't pledge allegiance
To the flag
Of the divided states of hell
And to ever killer
For whom Bush stands
One nation
Run by the devil
Non-repairable
With lies and persecution for all
I pledge allegiance
To how I feel
About the divided states of hell
About every lie
That Bush tells
One nation
Run by the devil
Non-repairable
With lies and persecution for all

(c) 2008

Hitchens: Color emphasis in presidential contest pathetic
Iowa results didn't end our national nightmare about race
January 12, 2008
BY CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS
To put it squarely and bluntly, is it because he is or is it because he isn't? To phrase it another way, is it because of what he says or what he doesn't say?
Sen. Barack Obama of Illinois, a Democratic presidential aspirant, is the current beneficiary of a tsunami of drool. He sometimes claims credit on behalf of all Americans regardless of race, color, creed, blah blah blah, though his recent speeches appear also to claim a victory for blackness while his supporters -- most especially the white ones -- sob happily that at last we can have an African-American chief executive. Off to the side, snarling with barely concealed rage, are the Clinton machine-minders, who, having failed to ignite the same kind of identity excitement with an aging and resentful female, are perhaps wishing that they had made more of her errant husband having already been "our first black president."
» Click to enlarge image
Barack Obama addresses a rally at the Del Sol High School in Las Vegas yesterday. (AP)
RELATED STORIESObama plane clips wing of parked plane Sweet: Key backing lifts Obama Special Section: Elections Nebraska senator backs Obama YouTube: Las Vegas rally
Or perhaps not.
Isn't there something pathetic and embarrassing about this emphasis on shade? And why is a man with a white mother considered to be "black," anyway? Is it for this that we fought so hard to get over Plessy vs. Ferguson (the 1896 Supreme Court decision that upheld the constitutionality of racial segregation)? Would we accept, if Obama's mother had also been Jewish, that he would therefore be the first Jewish president? The more that people claim Obama's mere identity to be a "breakthrough," the more they demonstrate that they have failed to emancipate themselves from the original categories of identity that acted as a fetter upon clear thought.
One can't exactly say that Obama himself panders to questions of skin color. One of the best chapters of his charming autobiography describes the moment when his black Republican opponent in the Illinois Senate race -- Alan Keyes -- accused him of possessing insufficient negritude because he wasn't the descendant of slaves! Obama's decision to be light-hearted (and perhaps light-skinned) about this was a milestone in itself. But are we not in danger of emulating Keyes' insane mistake every time we bang on about the senator's pigmentation?
If you wanted a "black" president or vice president so much, you could long ago have turned out en masse for Angela Davis -- also the first woman to be on a national ticket -- or for Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton. So, why didn't you? Could it have been the politics?
Last week happened to be the week that the nation of Kenya, birthplace of Obama's father, was convulsed by a political war that contained ghastly overtones of violent and sadistic tribalism. It would sound as absurd to a Kenyan to hear praise for a black candidate as it would sound to most of my European readers to hear a recommendation of a "great white hope." A white visitor to Kenya might not be able to tell a Kikuyu from a Luo at a glance, but a Kenyan would have no such difficulty.
The time is pretty much past, in our country, when a Polish American would not vote for a candidate with a German name or when Sharks and Jets were at daggers drawn, but this is all because (to borrow from philosopher Ernest Renan's definition of a nation) people agreed to forget a lot of things as well as to remember a number of things. So, which are we doing presently?
Obama is a congregant of a church in Chicago called Trinity United Church of Christ. I recommend that you take a brisk tour of its Web site. Run by the sort of character that the press often guardedly describes as "flamboyant" -- a man calling himself the Rev. Dr. Jeremiah A. Wright Jr. -- this bizarre outfit describes itself as "Unashamedly Black and Unapologetically Christian" and speaks of "a chosen people" whose nature we are allowed to assume is "Afrocentric." Trinity United sells creationist books, and its home page includes a graphic link to a thing called Goodsearch -- the name is surmounted with a halo in its logo -- which announces cheerily that "Every time you search or shop online! Our church earns money."
Much or most of what Trinity United says is harmless and boring, rather like GOP presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee's idiotic belief that his own success in Iowa is comparable to the "miracle" of the loaves and fishes, and the site offers a volume called Bad Girls of the Bible: Exploring Women of Questionable Virtue, which I have added to my cart, but nobody who wants to be taken seriously can possibly be associated with such a substandard and shade-oriented place.
All this easy talk about being a "uniter" and not a "divider" is piffle if people are talking out of both sides of their mouths. I have been droning on for months about how Republican hopeful Mitt Romney needs to answer questions about the flat-out racist background of his own church, and about how Huckabee has shown in public that he does not even understand the first thing about a theory -- the crucial theory of evolution by natural selection -- in which he claims not to believe. Many Democrats are with me on this, but they go completely quiet when Obama chooses to give his allegiance to a crackpot church with a decidedly ethnic character.
The unspoken agreement to concede the black community to the sway of the pulpit is itself a form of racist condescension. The sickly canonization of Martin Luther King Jr. has led to a crude rewriting of history that obliterates the great black and white secularists -- Bayard Rustin, A. Philip Randolph, Walter Reuther -- who actually organized the March on Washington. It has also allowed a free pass to any demagogue who can manage to get the word "reverend" in front of his name.
The white voters who subconsciously make the allowance that black folks sure love to hear their preachers are not only patronizing their black brothers and sisters but also helping to empower white ministers or deacons who make the same pitch, from Jimmy Carter to Mike Huckabee.
The Iowa caucuses of 2008 were not the end of our long national nightmare about race but another stage in our protracted national nightmare of piety, "uplift" and deceptive optimistic wind-baggery.
Christopher Hitchens is a columnist for Vanity Fair and Slate Magazine, www.slate.com, where this column originally appeared.
This man doesn't know anything about my church, so how dare he put such unsupported comments in his article! This is rude and unruly! All Trinity United Church of Christ members stand up. WE WILL NOT BE DISRESPECTED!!!

A Love Letter To Self

As I sit here writing this letter to you
You already know what I'm going to say
You know every feeling I've felt
Every thought I've thought
Every tear I've shed
Is there any love greater than this
My sole advisor
You never leave my side
Been wiht me from the beginning
Will be with me until the end
No one knows me better than you
Thank you for loving me
The way you do
No one does it better
You taught me how to love
By loving me first

(c) 2008

Don't be deceived. Racism is still alive.

There's an application on facebook called bathroom wall where people can say things anonymously and receive feedback on it. Here's what one white person said:

Reasons why I hate NIGGERS --———————————————————————————————————————
1. Just look at them. They still resemble the apes that they were derived from. Same ape-shaped face, wide fucking nose, massive lips, and same nasty looking paws.2. They are welfare hogging pieces of shit. When someone actually needs a little bit of help from welfare, they usually cannot receive it due to all the spooks living off of everyone else’s work.3. Why not hate them? What purpose do they serve on earth, other than to make it unsuitable for everyone else?4. They stink extremely bad.5. They can barely speak properly. I hate listening to those ebonics speaking pieces of shit and trying to decipher what the fuck they are mumbling about. Maybe if they’d take some time away from stealing, robbing, raping, and ruining the world for everyone else…they could spend some time getting an education.6. They make me mad seeing them on TV. BET? Why is it necessary to devote an entire channel to them? Do we really need to see them trying to make “music” while jumping around on stage just like their ape ancestors? No, we don’t. Maybe if they’d remove stupid shit like this, then maybe future niggers wouldn’t try to imitate these idiots.7. Those stupid fucks wearing pants that are falling down to their knees. Um, hello you stupid niggers. It’s bad enough that we have to see your stupid faces and other uncovered regions. We really don’t want to see your nasty lower regions being exposed. If we wanted to see that, we have zoos and Animal Planet to get our fix for those who have a fascination with looking at apes exposed.8. They walk around constantly grabbing their dicks. Why is that? Are they secretly scratching at their venereal diseased cocks? Or, are they just trying to imitate their ape ancestors?9. They ruin cars. Have you seen these idiots who sell crack to make enough money to put 24 inch wheels on a car designed for 14 inch wheels? They make them look like some sort of monster truck or something. STOP IT NIGGERS! Just because you have the minds of chimps doesn’t mean you should be entitled to destroy automobiles. 10. They ruin sports. It’s pretty bad trying to watch a sporting event and all you can see is a jersey/uniform on the screen. They are the reason they had to start putting names on the back. Who the fuck can tell them apart? When all you see is a shiny black image, it’s really hard to tell them apart. You stupid spooks.

Don't be deceived. Racism is still alive. It is evident in this one person's post. This is what some white people think about us. Here are some comments from other white people on this post:

didnt know blacks could use pcs
must be they have computers in prison these days

I gotta say I completly agree with you


fucking hate niggers. The ones at work are lazy as fuck. I work for a major computer company. We have niggers sitting and rapping like they are about to drop a hip hop CD. Fucking niggers smell too. Everytime one of them gets fired..they play the race card. But…never works. Yea the place I work at may be racist. Niggers do not work and niggers just sit around and act like they are bad. They need to be forced into camps where they can use their welfare checks and not be in the checkout line with me.
FUCKKK they were nice as slaves.

i agree niggers are the cancer of society im 100 percent italian and my people hate niggers we cant stand them

I can’t stand the little bastards; I live in Memphis (Memphrica), and they have ruined the city of music. Nobody wants to come here anymore. Elvis would roll over in his grave. Wake up America, doesn’t anybody see what they are doing to this country?

Negros are nothing but a bunch of savages.I am so tired of watching roberies,murders,and assults and just overall uncivilized behavior on the news and 90% of the time its a nigger, the other 10% of the time it is white people but i am sure they hang out with a bunch of niggers. But we live in such a liberal,nigger-loving, politically correct world the newscasters cant even point this fact out that its niggers that commit all these crimes. For a long time i couldnt figure out who i hated more mexicans or niggers.All mexicans want is to work and drink beer, niggers on the other hand will shoot you for looking at them wrong or stepping on their basketball shoes.

This is so wrong you guys! Pray for this country!

Bienvenidos!

Whassup!
Welcome to my blog!
Feel free to comment on what ive written and leave suggestions about what you'd like to see me write about on my page!
MUCH LOVE 2 YA 4 CHECKIN MY PAGE OUT!!!

Be a Super Hero

There's no tomorrow
I said there's no tomorrow
There's just today
Just this one moment in time
There's no future
Just the present
Don't look ahead
Because there's nothing there
So what are you going to do now
With the time you have in this moment
Are you going to save the world?
Are you going to bring tomorrow?
Then what are you going to do tomorrow?
Are you going to save the world?
Or are you going to bring back yesterday?
So you're back from yesterday
From tomorrow
Which is actually today
Because there's no tomorrow
I said there's no tomorrow
There's just today
Just this one moment in time
There's no future
Just the present
Don't look ahead
Because there's nothing there
So what are you going to do now
With the time you have in this moment
Are you going to save the world?

(c) 2008

All about me

I am the oldest of 2 younger sisters
I am a dancer
I am a poet
I am a singer
I am allergic to cheese and beeswax
I am a daddy's girl
I am a play sister to many
I am a play mother to some
I am right-handed
I am in love with music
I am a student at PSM
I am loud
I am a nonchalant person
I am a fashion lover
I am a future vegetarian
I am a libra
I am an aspiring child psychiatrist
I am a future Delta!!!
I am in love with Lil' Wayne
I am in love with chocolate

A Love Story-Part 1

A time
A perfect moment
The right words
To say I love you
But I don't
To say I don't want you
But I do
This relationship is torturing me
Trust you?
But I can't
Believe you?
But I wont
Third times the charm
But only when its meant to be
I want something better
Is this as bad as it seems?
Heard it all before
You're not saying nothing new
Time to move on
Got somebody who cares
Bouta lose them over you
Damn! What am I doing?!?!
I don't even know no more
Is this the end?
Or a new beginning
Taking a new path
Or going down the same bad road
Just like J-Lo
Aint it funny
That you didn't want me
When you had me
Love is crazy
But this aint love
So what's the point?

(c) 2008

*life*

When something good is trying to come into your life, take advantage of it...even if it means that you have to adjust yourself to accept it.

Jesus

The Lamb That Was Slain
The deep hurt and pain shown in his eyes
His life story reflected in his tears
The forgiveness of my sins shed with his blood
His screams of pain wrench my heart
For I know he doesn't deserve it
The perfect lamb
The purest sacrifice
The lamb that was slain for me
His blood is on my hands
The man that did no wrong
Yet enduring horrible suffering for the wrong I've done
Every sin I commit piercing the nail deeper in his wrist
Every wrong thing I do again stabbing him in his side
Then he hangs his head and dies
And I know I've been forgiven

(c)2008

A Love Story-Part 2

Before I had the chance
To release myself from you
Move on
And allow my wounds to heal
You added another one
So many holes in my soul
From where your sharp
Painful
Words have stabbed me
One could expect my emotions to just flow out
But
You robbed me of the chance
Just as you robbed me of everything else
My happiness
My love
My lust
My peace
My joy
My sanity
And I was about to take it all back
But
You never gave me the chance
Before I had the chance
To freely love myself
I was caught in your prison
Of emotional pain
Handcuffed to your verbal abuse
Before I had the chance
To say how I felt
I looked up
And you were gone

(c) 2008